From Lynne to Lean

This is my journey from Lynne to lean. My new year's resolution is the same I've had most of my adult life: To lose weight. I also resolved to start doing things that I would normally be afraid of doing. This weblog is where these two resolutions converge.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Weigh To Go! Part 9

December’s Starting Weight: 178.9 Last Month’s Weigh-In: 142.2 Today’s Weigh-In: 137.4 That’s 4.8 pounds lost for the month of September and a total of 41.5 gone since December. I am so happy about those numbers that I don’t even know where to begin. Seeing over forty pounds gone really makes me proud and I think it’s really starting to hit me how much I’ve accomplished. For the longest time no matter how well I was doing or how on top of things I felt, I still somewhere thought that it was all a fluke or about to reverse it’s course at any time. But nine months of steady loss, well that’s no piddly effort or breeze of good luck, that’s consistent hard work and commitment. I’m only about a pound heavier than I was on my wedding day a year and a half ago. I feel healthier now too; for my wedding I was on a restrictive diet to ensure fitting into my dress. This time around, I’m exercising and eating balanced meals, drinking lots of water and taking my vitamins. I have so much energy and I’m really feeling comfortable in my body. I have to tell you guys, it feels really nice right now.

Friday, September 22, 2006

My Five Things

Hey! Sorry I’ve been MIA this week. I was being held hostage by work/ school/ practicum/ life and I’ve finally just escaped. The lovely and talented Patl tagged me with a "5 things to eat before you die" meme. So many great things to list and only five spots available but I think I can do it. 1. French fries. I love french fries and they’re probably what I’d call my favorite food. I prefer soggy as opposed to the crispier versions. Sometimes if my husband or I pull out a particularly oily and soggy one we’ll show it to the other person all, “Oooh, look. That’s a good one!” And sometimes if it’s a really good one then my husband will give it to me. It’s the little things that keep a marriage strong, you know. 2. Hot Fudge Sundaes. This is my absolute favorite dessert. I love them with hot fudge, tons of warm caramel, whipped cream, light on the nuts, and about ten maraschino cherries. I actually think that making them at home is the best way because then they can be customized to each person’s preference. 3. Reese’s peanut butter cups. Miniatures, King size, or out of a bag on Halloween, they can’t be beat. I love how they come in shapes for the holidays. My mom and I agree that for some reason the Easter egg shaped ones are by far the best way to enjoy Reese’s. We also agree that we’re crazy that we’ve had the discussion of which way tastes the best and that we actually agree on that same shape. I’m sure that they probably all taste the same and the imagined difference probably has psychological roots similar to my “eat all the red and blue M&M’s first” habit. You only think there’s a difference. 4. House Chicken from Pick Up Sticks. I just love the stuff but a cup of it is like 1000 cals or so per serving. It’s been awhile since I’ve had it but I love it served over beef fried rice. Yum! 5. Garlic & butter mashed potatoes. Again, another food from my friend the potato. I am totally a mashed potato conoiseur and I can be very picky about my mashies. Heavy on the cream and butter and whipped as light and fluffy as possible. There should be no lumps! Unless of course it’s mashed potatoes that include little red potatoes and their skins then they’re allowed to have a more rustic texture. I also am a big fan of gravy with my mashed potatoes but again I’m extremely picky about the gravy. A nice thick brown beef gravy is my ultimate favorite. It has to be as savory as possible and it can’t be too thin or watery. If worrying about calories and nutrition were no longer necessary and I could eat anything I want then these would probably be my staples. I know! I too realize that it’s nothing but a list of craptastic junk food. Not one redeemable food on that list. But you know, this is a sort of “what I would eat if I were to splurge” list but there was a time where I ate off this list on a very regular basis. It’s nice that these foods have finally found the place they’re supposed to inhabit in my personal food pyramid.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Choices At Ruby Tuesday's That Won't Haunt Me The Rest Of The Week

I went to lunch with my friend yesterday at Ruby Tuesday’s because we’d never been there before. As is my custom before I ever go out to eat, I looked up the restaurant’s website on the internet to see if they listed the nutritional content of the food on their menu. I love to do this anytime I’m going out to eat. I love that I can get on and plan a meal, log it into my food journal and stay on target; it’s saved my ass from falling off the wagon many a times. When I know the nutritional information for food at a restaurant then I’ll make as healthy choice as possible and rearrange my eating for the rest of the day to keep myself on plan. If I don’t know how many calories are in something I’ll eat a meal that’s really bad for me, figure that I’ve probably screwed up and then start planning the closest route between the restaurant and my house that will take me by a Dairy queen. Because I know I have those kinds of tendencies, being able to know how many calories are in an entrée has become very important to me. So anyways, before I left work I looked up the menu for Ruby Tuesday’s and picked out one or two options off of their Smart Eating menu. But when we went to order the waitress told me that the restaurant no longer offered any of the options I had picked out and that the chain was phasing out some of the healthier choice meals. I was really surprised! Most restaurants are making the move towards offering more “lighter choice” meals and it’s something I’m sure that I’m not alone in appreciating. Actually, just the fact that places are willing to make the nutritional makeup of their foods available is great. There are some days where I want to eat a meal that is calorically crap and that’s fine; at least make that information available to me so I can make that choice. So I ordered a steak and a side dish that I knew the calorie content for (they were some of the few items listed on the Smart Eating menu that hadn’t been phased out.) But I didn’t realize that the meal came with garlic bread and a gigantic baked potato drowning in butter and sour cream. I ate the steak and I ate the side dish and felt satisfied. But because I still have issues with leaving food on my plate (I just feel guilty wasting food) I had to resist the urge to finish the rest. In the end I gave the garlic bread and baked potato to my friend, I didn’t really want or need it and I wasn’t going to eat it simply because it was there. I ate what I wanted and not just to clean my plate. That’s a big achievement for me.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

More Fun With Numbers

So the other day I wrote a post about fitting into size seven jeans. Very exciting stuff! Well, today I went and bought some dress slacks for practicum because all my other dress pants are size 10 or bigger. Can you believe I bought pants in a size 6 stretch from Old Navy? Size 6 sounds teeny tiny to me! I’m just a little full of myself tonight over that. So here’s the weird thing. I bought a pair of pants in gray and a pair in brown. They are the same brand/cut/fabric type/pattern/style/everything. Only difference is their color. At the store I tried on the grays and they looked really good so on the way out I just picked up the brown ones. When I got home I tried on the brown pants and they are way tighter! I checked the labels and supposedly they’re the same but the difference when they’re on seems like almost a whole size. I figure I’ll call myself a size 6 (because that feels good to say!) and I’ll use the brown pants to judge changes in my body. It’ll be nice to see that they fit super tight now but every week they’ll hopefully fit just a little looser.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Lots Of Body Image Stuff (Sorry It’s Kind Of Long)

The other week, the lovely Nicole wrote a post about “ass issues”. Well I had to make mention of the subject myself because I also have a history of the booty to write about. Growing up, back in the day, I absolutely hated my ass. In fact, I have always been excessively self-conscious about my lower body. Even when I was very young I had what could be referred to as childbearing hips which now, as a woman in my twenties, I’ve come to accept and embrace. But I started getting my hourglass figure before the age of ten and back then I was only aware that my lower body was way bigger than any of my friends’ bodies. I didn’t have the benefit of twenty years of living to know that every body is different and that our curves fit our height/frame/body type naturally. At the time, for me, bigger equaled Fat. I also think I didn’t realize the concept of “developing into a woman” and that for me the boobs and the butt came a little early. In my adolescent mind, all I saw was that I was way bigger than my peers. And of course during this time trading clothes with your friends was the in thing to do; you had to, it established and confirmed the sacred bonds of sisterhood. When we traded clothes I was able to exchange shirts but I was too big to trade bottoms. When you’re young, that can sometimes stick with you and bother you. As I grew older I never had a problem with the ta tas (I actually was pretty proud of my first training bra) but I really hated my butt. I thought it was big and wide and that it stuck out too much. I remember that I hated and feared to be called up to write on the blackboard at school because then everyone would be staring at my “gigantic” ass. It was around this time as a young teen that I started to refuse to wear shorts or skirts and instead tried to camouflage my lower body with dark jeans and pants and hoped that my top half would take the focus off the bottom. To this day, that’s still something that I tend to do. Now here’s the part that makes me laugh but at the same time I say it in all seriousness. The song by Sir-Mix-A lot, “Baby Got Back” actually did me a lot of good. I remember when this song came out it was the first time that I thought that it was possible that boys might like a body shaped like mine. Until that song, I had thought that a big butt was ugly. Then came a song that not only said that a big butt was not ugly but was in fact sexy and desirable. As silly as it seems, that actually meant something to me. I think that today it is probably tougher for young girls to have a healthy body image when you have role models like Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan splashed all over the cover of Teen magazine. But I also like the fact that J. Lo (whatever may be the opinion about her as an actress/singer/dancer/person) is able to be a big time celebrity who is appreciated for her trunk full of junk. Yes she’s a body type that is still difficult to live up to but at least body shapes that aren’t a strict size 0 are getting positive attention. I think that this new appreciation for a larger derriere is something that you can find more examples of today then could be found back in the early 90’s. Now I don’t want to even start to touch how this is just the same old unhealthy focus on women’s bodies dressed up in new clothes. That whether the focus is on freakishly thin or cartoonishly buxom, the larger problem is a deeper issue about the objectification of women and the double standard of society and media’s over-scrutinizing of women’s bodies. (Don’t even get me going on that soapbox) My point is that albeit wrong that there is this huge focus on the female form, I’m glad to see that there is a place somewhere in this world for a woman who has a generous sized badunka dunk dunk. I think it’s funny now that when I exercise I do squats and donkey kicks hoping to develop some seriously nice muscles in the booty. I don’t know when it happened but somewhere in my life I really started liking my rear end and even though I want to lose weight now, I no longer want to lose the butt. I think it’s a bigger reflection on my whole state of mind and approach to my body image. I still talk about fat and fatness (it’s something that’s been with me a long time and I have plenty to say on the subject) but I think that there’s a theme of health and healthiness that’s starting to creep into my mindset. Well, I hope this post makes sense; it’s a little disjointed and doesn’t even begin to cover all the things I could say about having a big booty. I didn’t even get into the problem with buying pants that fit both your butt and waist, a topic that is a whole other post within itself. I really think that to accurately express myself on this topic I would probably need to write an entire book. All I know is that with age comes the blessing of self-acceptance. Thankfully, I have come to the point where I love my curves. I guess to sum it all up, part of growing up is being able to turn around in the mirror to say hooray for the bootay!

Friday, September 08, 2006

Assumptions

So my boy is out of town for work next week and my friend from school was talking about coming over one day to hang out and keep me company. Because I have turned into a major exercise addict (read: running dork) I asked if she would be interested in going for a run when she comes over. She laughed and said, “Well, that would be cool but I don’t know if I could keep up with you. I haven’t worked out for a long time and I’m sure that you’ll run circles around me.” That totally surprised me because I had just assumed that because she’s a size two and has a great shape that she would be the one running circles around me. I also thought it was pretty cool that she assumed that I might actually be in good enough shape to outrun her. I still think of myself as this couch potato who gets winded walking to the mailbox. But I guess I totally am not that anymore! Today I ran a mile and three quarters and would have gone further but my ipod battery kicked the bucket about halfway through. I definitely need music to run to. I charged the little sucker up today so I won’t be caught unawares again! Who knows how far I’ll go tomorrow now that I have my badass theme music ready to go?

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Size 7, WooHoo!

I had one of those “WTF was I thinking!?” moments today. I tried on a pair of stretch denim L.E.I. jeans this morning. They’re a size 7 and they’ve been hanging in my closet since my pre-wedding days. I got them up and buttoned and while they’re very, very tight, they technically fit! The jeans that I’m currently wearing have gotten too big and so I decided to wear the size sevens today because I figured it would be nice to wear a pair of pants that aren’t completely falling down for once. I was feeling good until I got to work and then I totally wondered what the hell I was thinking! Those jeans were so tight and I almost in a sense felt naked just because they really show the shape of my lower body, both the good aspects and the bad. Later on I started thinking that they’re not really that bad, it’s just that I’m so used to my clothes feeling baggy and on top of that I’ve spent a long time hiding my figure and so wearing something that really shows it was almost scary! I don’t know exactly what size jeans I’m shooting for as my goal size but I figure 7 has to be pretty darn close. I think right now it’s more about wearing those jeans but changing my body to fit them in a way that I think looks both healthy and flattering. So, yeah it's not really about the numbers (but still woo hoo! about the 7's!)

Sunday, September 03, 2006

I Just Need To Vent!

I have been so stressed out lately. School started this week and it looks like this may be the busiest semester yet. With classes, doing practicum hours, and having to do intake hours, I can sometimes spend 20 or more hours at school. That’s like having a part time job! And speaking of jobs, I’m also job hunting and I’ve had no luck so far; I’m pretty choosy about what I’m applying for because it has to be complimentary to my school, hence the slow returns. I’m willing to wait to find the perfect job but it can be kind of nerve wracking to be in transition. My life is always so busy so I try to keep things as reliable as possible and it seems like lately all things, both big and small, have been up in the air. Ok, that’s the end of my bitch session. There’s just so much going on right now that I don’t want to waste your time about. Are you still there? I hope I didn’t bore you into a coma with my whining! But really, all this stress is starting to get to me. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and my face is breaking out. I also think that’s why it’s been three days and I’ve had barely any appetite. That’s extremely unusual! Whenever I’m stressed I usually eat anything that isn’t nailed down! But I’ve just been walking around here feeling like there’s so much on my mind and that if I eat, I’ll feel sick. Ok, sorry, I snuck a little more bitching and whining in there again, didn’t I? Well, here’s what I did today to kind of combat some of this Stress! I put on my ipod and ran for two and a half miles and then walked at a quick pace back home for another half mile. It felt so good! When I started running I just listened to the music and cleared my mind. Then after I got into my groove I kind of just mulled things over and maybe because my body was in motion and using up so much energy, things began to seem more manageable. When I got home, I took a nice long hot bath. So, I’m more relaxed. I didn’t solve any things but I did definitely change my attitude towards all these stressors. I just keep telling myself that things will settle down soon; stuff in life always seems to work itself out in the end anyway, doesn’t it? I figure I can worry a ton about things and stuff will fall into place or I can take everything in stride and it will all still fall into place. Option B sounds a little more appetizing, don’t you think?

Friday, September 01, 2006

Not The Norm

So a kind of weird thing happened today. I woke up and had oatmeal for breakfast around 9. (That’s not the weird thing.) I then went and ran about a million errands because I had today off and I wanted to get things done before the big three day weekend starts. Well because the day was so busy, I didn’t get to eat throughout the day like I usually do and found myself at 4:00 running on the 130 calories I’d had at breakfast. I went to dinner with my parents and even after eating until I was full, I’d only taken in 630 calories for the day. I even ran two miles today so I expected to be extra hungry. It’s now 9:00 at night and I’m still full from dinner and while it’s not good that I’ve eaten so little today, I don’t want to force myself to eat when I’m not really hungry. I very rarely find myself on the underside of my calorie target. I’m going to snack some grapes and honeydew as a small dessert but I think I’m done for the night. So yeah, that was weird. Would you guys go with what your appetite is telling you or by the knowledge that you should give your body enough calories to avoid slowing down your metabolism? I mean, should I add a few extra calories to tomorrow’s meals?