Weigh To Go! Part 15

December 2005 Starting Weight: 178.9 Last Month’s Weigh-In: 134.4 Yesterday’s Weigh-In: 132.2 Yay! Boy it feels good to post a lost again. 2.2 pounds, I'll take that! And it's a good 2.2 pounds if you know what I mean. There have been times where the numbers didn't really change but I'm struggling to pull on my jeans and I know that I've probably gained weight and lost muscle. Well it's nice that right now I'm sitting opposite of that. My clothes are finally starting to fit right again and I'm feeling just really good about my body. It's so nice to have the little happy moments like this!

Cookies And Other Ramblings

I think one of the things that I’ve always tended to do is to assume that good efforts, no matter how small, will produce extraordinary results just by virtue of how difficult losing weight is. I also tend to “forget” that excessive sloppy eating combined with lack of exercise outweighs (pardon the pun) those small efforts. Let me explain- if I resist eating that bastard of a cookie* that my husband so carelessly bought then I expect that the kind of willpower I showed should be rewarded by an instant loss of fat. If I open the fridge, see that little sucker taunting me, and then through herculean efforts manage to shut the fridge door without inhaling said cookie, then I should walk away from the fridge at least a pound lighter just as a reward for resisting. I mean fighting temptation burns calories, right? So I get frustrated when my body feels the same and my clothes fit the same and I don’t seem to be losing anything. But I’ve conveniently forgotten that last week in San Diego I ate. I ate like eating was my job and I was working towards employee of the month. Here’s an example of exactly what I’ll think to myself: “At the zoo in San Diego I walked all over that place! There were hills; we walked for almost six hours! That had to burn something!” What I forget: I had four churros at the zoo, a burger and fries for lunch and a large cherry icee. And that was just before 3 in the afternoon, dinner and dessert is where it really got out of hand. Along these same lines, I started something new this week. In the mornings before work I wake up early and spend 20 minutes with Steely Dan. I did it Monday, I did it Tuesday, and I did it Wednesday. Now a little back-story, I am not a morning person. And really that’s putting it lightly. In fact I have a notorious reputation for being very grumpy in the mornings and no matter how much sleep I have had, getting out of the bed feels damn near impossible. Friends and family have stories about times when they have woken me up and the ensuing wrath that followed. These incidents have lead to me being at times referred to as The Lynne Monster. As in, “shh, the Lynne Monster is sleeping! Do NOT wake her up!” Basically, one of my ultimate favorite things to do in life is to sleep. I often have insomnia and am a light sleeper so if I do actually manage to get into a real good sleep then the worst thing in the world for me is to be woken up. Ok, I think you all get the picture! So this whole thing with me waking up early is monumental. Really, I’m surprised it’s not in the papers yet. I have actually called people to tell them about it because I knew they would not believe it even if it were actually in the morning headlines. And because getting up early is such a big deal to me I’ll have to make sure that I don’t get frustrated if pounds don’t just start magically melting away. I mean, it’s only 20 minutes and it’s only been three days. It will have it’s benefits but they’re going to be long term and only if I keep this and other things that I’ve been doing up. Patience grasshopper, patience. *Oh those girl scouts! It’s like their cookies are crack and they are totally my dealers. On a side note, the other night I went to the grocery store to buy grapes, apples, lettuce, etc., and they were standing outside selling boxes of the good stuff. They had signs that read, “Get them while they’re here! Girl Scout cookies will only be available for three more days and then they’re gone until next year!” Now they know that a sign like that totally messes with people’s heads and triggers the primitive part of our brain that is guilty of impulsive cookie buying. Freud called it the id and it lives on caramel delights and thin mints.

Ahhh, Vacation!

Hey guys! I just got back late last night from a week long vacation. It was one of those last minute decisions where we literally decided at 8 pm at night to wake up the next morning and spend a week at the beach. What a great idea and I needed a break from school/work/life like you wouldn't believe! We drove down to San Diego and crammed as many activities into the days as we could. Some activities were hectic like running all over the zoo and visiting museums in Balboa park, and others were just solely peaceful and beautiful like whale watching or sitting on the beach as the sun set. Sometimes you just have to go and look at the ocean and be amazed at its vastness and eternal beauty. Sometimes you just have to stand at its edge and appreciate it, and to feel how small and insignificant standing near it can make you feel. Ahhh, this vacation was worth it! Even the supposed 8 pound gain the scale showed this morning. When I left the scale said I was 133 pounds and today I weighed 141. I'm sure that's bloat that will go away after a few days (I hope!). I didn't watch what I ate, I just wasn't in the mood, and I guess it was enough to do some damage. If I wanted ice cream, I ate ice cream. If I wanted a burger and fries, I ate a burger and fries. Oh and there was a margarita with my chips and salsa at the Mexican restaurant in old town. And as I think about it, the list of "bad" food choices goes on and on. I feel fat right now but those meals are a part of some nice memories! I ate the burger and fries overlooking the sun setting at the beach, my husband and I snuggled together while we ate the ice cream, and we laughed about how sunburned our faces and tired our feet were as we sat and enjoyed that dinner in old town. So yeah, it was definitely worth it! Incidentally, my husband weighed himself this morning also and he gained all of 2 pounds. I think he actually ate worse than I did too. Eight pounds versus two, how does that happen?!

Because Sometimes It Feels Like There Are Two Worlds

Sometimes I've felt like there are two worlds: the fat world and the non-fat world. Every once in a while I make the mistake of saying something "weight-ish or fat-ish talk" in front of someone from the non-fat world and I get reminded of why I keep these things separate in my life. Last night I went to dinner with two of my friends. I know these girls from school and we've gotten really close over the past two years. Because I'm so close to them and therefore comfortable around them, I forgot that sometimes people who have never had a weight problem don't get what it's like to have a history with fighting the Fat. They honestly just can't relate and in turn, because I have had such a long history with weight and weight loss, I have a hard time imagining what things are like without having had these issues. Here's what pretty much happened: Right after we ordered, my friend "Amy" was saying how hungry she was because she had forgotten to eat since early in the morning (it was after 8:30 pm at this point). My other friend "Jane" (who is very petite, she's only about 5'2" and 100 pounds) started saying how she too forgets to eat. She then said that she sometimes wished that eating wasn't necessary because sometimes she's just too busy or would rather be doing something else than making and eating a meal. Amy completely agreed with her and said that sometimes she'll eat junk food because it's hard to entice her to make time for food and that sometimes she forgets to eat because she doesn't have anything "exciting" enough for her to stop what she's doing and eat. Jane said that she did the same thing too. This just really struck me. I spend so much of my day thinking about what I'm eating and how food fits into my life. Then I told them that for me it was the opposite of that. Sometimes (most of the time) the first coherent thought I have in the morning is, "What am I going to eat?" I told them how I love deciding what I'm going to eat and how much I enjoy the process of eating. That I get excited about food and actually have to be very aware of what I eat because I have the tendency at times to eat when I'm bored or for fun. That to be honest, food is something that I spend a lot of energy and time on. They both looked at me strangely with that "Wow. Really? Why?" look. It just instantly gave me that feeling like there's something wrong with me that I am so wrapped up in food and eating and "good choices" and "bad choices" and "on the wagon days" and "off the wagon days" and everything else that I spend so much of my waking hours dwelling on. I just feel glad when I talk to you all about this kind of stuff and I feel like you support me and completely understand what I'm talking about. If that didn't happen I think that moments like last night would really get to me more often. It's just hard to realize sometimes that for some people food is just food and not FOOD. It's nice to know that I'm not always alone when it comes to this stuff.

Weigh To Go! Part 14

Weigh To Go! Part 14 December 2005 Starting Weight: 178.9 Last Month’s Weigh-In: 133.2 Yesterday’s Weigh-In: 134.4 Hey guys! I’m still here! I’ve been trying to find a free minute to post for the last few weeks now and this is pretty much the first chance I’ve gotten. I didn’t mean to go MIA the way I did, it’s just that things got super busy and then super, unbelievably busy and then just plain ridiculous busy! It's funny how a few days turn into weeks which turns into a whole month. I switched over to a new division in our department and got a new very messy office, a new boss, and a ton of new work that had been piling up for months waiting for me to inherit it. I also have been so busy with school and practicum and every time I had a spare, quiet moment to write I knew I should be working on my research paper and I couldn’t in good conscience spend that time blogging, no matter how much I wanted to. But I’ve been missing you and missing posting and now that things are finally settling down a bit I’m hoping that I’ll be back to my regular schedule. Sheesh! Can you believe it’s March already? Where does the time go? So, where to begin. Well, as you can see by the numbers I’m still kind of sort of maintaining. And I think I should use the word “maintaining” loosely because it implies that I’ve been moderate and reasonable in keeping up the good habits that I’ve learned along the way and that really hasn’t been happening. In actuality, I’ve spent weekdays dieting and weekends feeding myself like there’s no tomorrow. I’m basically eating like a yo-yo dieter but instead of a pattern over months I’m doing it over a few days and it’s not healthy. I actually start the week heavier, lose a few during the week and then bloat back up over the weekend due to my Friday, Saturday and Sunday buffet style eating. Really, that’s just not good. I’m working on getting that squared away because eating like that isn’t going to help me in the long run. I also haven’t done a lick of exercise for a while. I did a Pilates work out and took two walks. For the whole month of February. And I really think it shows. At 134 I look worse in my clothes than I did when I was well in the 140's and it just goes to show that this whole weight loss thing really isn’t about just the numbers. So again, another thing that really needs to be remedied. That’s where things are right now, still plodding along even if I was silent for a while. But hey, it’s good to be back!