Cookies And Other Ramblings

I think one of the things that I’ve always tended to do is to assume that good efforts, no matter how small, will produce extraordinary results just by virtue of how difficult losing weight is. I also tend to “forget” that excessive sloppy eating combined with lack of exercise outweighs (pardon the pun) those small efforts. Let me explain- if I resist eating that bastard of a cookie* that my husband so carelessly bought then I expect that the kind of willpower I showed should be rewarded by an instant loss of fat. If I open the fridge, see that little sucker taunting me, and then through herculean efforts manage to shut the fridge door without inhaling said cookie, then I should walk away from the fridge at least a pound lighter just as a reward for resisting. I mean fighting temptation burns calories, right? So I get frustrated when my body feels the same and my clothes fit the same and I don’t seem to be losing anything. But I’ve conveniently forgotten that last week in San Diego I ate. I ate like eating was my job and I was working towards employee of the month. Here’s an example of exactly what I’ll think to myself: “At the zoo in San Diego I walked all over that place! There were hills; we walked for almost six hours! That had to burn something!” What I forget: I had four churros at the zoo, a burger and fries for lunch and a large cherry icee. And that was just before 3 in the afternoon, dinner and dessert is where it really got out of hand. Along these same lines, I started something new this week. In the mornings before work I wake up early and spend 20 minutes with Steely Dan. I did it Monday, I did it Tuesday, and I did it Wednesday. Now a little back-story, I am not a morning person. And really that’s putting it lightly. In fact I have a notorious reputation for being very grumpy in the mornings and no matter how much sleep I have had, getting out of the bed feels damn near impossible. Friends and family have stories about times when they have woken me up and the ensuing wrath that followed. These incidents have lead to me being at times referred to as The Lynne Monster. As in, “shh, the Lynne Monster is sleeping! Do NOT wake her up!” Basically, one of my ultimate favorite things to do in life is to sleep. I often have insomnia and am a light sleeper so if I do actually manage to get into a real good sleep then the worst thing in the world for me is to be woken up. Ok, I think you all get the picture! So this whole thing with me waking up early is monumental. Really, I’m surprised it’s not in the papers yet. I have actually called people to tell them about it because I knew they would not believe it even if it were actually in the morning headlines. And because getting up early is such a big deal to me I’ll have to make sure that I don’t get frustrated if pounds don’t just start magically melting away. I mean, it’s only 20 minutes and it’s only been three days. It will have it’s benefits but they’re going to be long term and only if I keep this and other things that I’ve been doing up. Patience grasshopper, patience. *Oh those girl scouts! It’s like their cookies are crack and they are totally my dealers. On a side note, the other night I went to the grocery store to buy grapes, apples, lettuce, etc., and they were standing outside selling boxes of the good stuff. They had signs that read, “Get them while they’re here! Girl Scout cookies will only be available for three more days and then they’re gone until next year!” Now they know that a sign like that totally messes with people’s heads and triggers the primitive part of our brain that is guilty of impulsive cookie buying. Freud called it the id and it lives on caramel delights and thin mints.