Because Sometimes It Feels Like There Are Two Worlds

Sometimes I've felt like there are two worlds: the fat world and the non-fat world. Every once in a while I make the mistake of saying something "weight-ish or fat-ish talk" in front of someone from the non-fat world and I get reminded of why I keep these things separate in my life. Last night I went to dinner with two of my friends. I know these girls from school and we've gotten really close over the past two years. Because I'm so close to them and therefore comfortable around them, I forgot that sometimes people who have never had a weight problem don't get what it's like to have a history with fighting the Fat. They honestly just can't relate and in turn, because I have had such a long history with weight and weight loss, I have a hard time imagining what things are like without having had these issues. Here's what pretty much happened: Right after we ordered, my friend "Amy" was saying how hungry she was because she had forgotten to eat since early in the morning (it was after 8:30 pm at this point). My other friend "Jane" (who is very petite, she's only about 5'2" and 100 pounds) started saying how she too forgets to eat. She then said that she sometimes wished that eating wasn't necessary because sometimes she's just too busy or would rather be doing something else than making and eating a meal. Amy completely agreed with her and said that sometimes she'll eat junk food because it's hard to entice her to make time for food and that sometimes she forgets to eat because she doesn't have anything "exciting" enough for her to stop what she's doing and eat. Jane said that she did the same thing too. This just really struck me. I spend so much of my day thinking about what I'm eating and how food fits into my life. Then I told them that for me it was the opposite of that. Sometimes (most of the time) the first coherent thought I have in the morning is, "What am I going to eat?" I told them how I love deciding what I'm going to eat and how much I enjoy the process of eating. That I get excited about food and actually have to be very aware of what I eat because I have the tendency at times to eat when I'm bored or for fun. That to be honest, food is something that I spend a lot of energy and time on. They both looked at me strangely with that "Wow. Really? Why?" look. It just instantly gave me that feeling like there's something wrong with me that I am so wrapped up in food and eating and "good choices" and "bad choices" and "on the wagon days" and "off the wagon days" and everything else that I spend so much of my waking hours dwelling on. I just feel glad when I talk to you all about this kind of stuff and I feel like you support me and completely understand what I'm talking about. If that didn't happen I think that moments like last night would really get to me more often. It's just hard to realize sometimes that for some people food is just food and not FOOD. It's nice to know that I'm not always alone when it comes to this stuff.