Sick In The Head

So there’s never a good time to get sick but some times are worse than others! I have so much to do and of course that’s when my body gets invaded by the germies! I was home from work yesterday with a pretty bad head cold. I’ve been fighting it for about a week but yesterday I knew I needed to take some time off to rest or it was going to get really ugly. So I slept, woke up and ate chocolate, slept some more, had more chocolate, snoozed in bed and then got up and had a hot bubble bath because the chocolate started calling my name again. I swear, my husband’s family probably think I’m a clean freak considering how often I end up soaking in the tub. They don’t know I’m avoiding food, they think I’m just really into hot baths! So I’m back at work this morning which even though it was hard to muster the strength to get up and go, is better for me than laying around and feeding my cold with chocolate bars. Last night when my sister in law came home she brought with her two pumpkin rolls, a loaf of banana nut bread, homemade fudge, snickerdoodles, and apricot sugar cookies. This, folks, is what I’m up against and when I say that they eat almost non-stop, I’m not exaggerating. It probably has to do with the fact that I have a cold so I feel worn down but I actually felt like crying. I started to get this woe is me attitude as I watched them all dig in and enjoy. My husband’s mother probably weighs 100 pounds soaking wet and she eats like that all the time. Sometimes you see thin people and they don’t eat that much and you think to yourself, “well that’s why they’re so thin.” But every once in awhile you meet one of those naturally thin people who eat constantly and never have to think about what they eat and that really just freaks you out. It just doesn’t seem fair, does it? It was about that time that I headed for the bathtub and my favorite Jane Austen book. I needed something to distract me because I get angry with myself for getting so worked up over food. I mean, I’m happy, healthy, and blessed with a life and family that I feel grateful for everyday and I want to shed tears over a couple of cookies? I think there are a lot of people in this world who wish their problems were as simple as mine. I have to shake myself out of that kind of thinking and remember to put things in perspective because if I don’t then I get depressed, and then I get discouraged and then I say screw it, and I end up inhaling crap ass food that in the end doesn’t make me feel any better and actually makes me feel even worse in the long run. I just keep focusing on the fact that I’m actually doing good even though things feel crazy. I have not gone over my target calories food-wise. Yes, I have been eating really crappy food but at least I can say that I enjoyed some of the holiday treats that only come around once a year and I did it without abandoning my plan. I even managed to clock in a few miles over the weekend so exercise isn’t completely non-existent. I just have to keep reminding myself that I’m on track so far, I have a plan and it’s working and most of all I need to remember that I am more than capable of doing this. Maybe that’s the problem, I still don’t trust in myself completely and I keep looking for me to blow it. I have to change that outlook and believe that I have the ability to totally do this!