Warning: Lengthy, Inane Blathering By Me About Troubles In Covering My Ass

You know, just making the decision to commit to doing an exercise plan has made all the difference in my attitude. I’m feeling all back to my normal self and I’m working on kicking out all the negative thoughts. And thanks for all the support guys, what would I do without you all? Ok, so I try not to bitch and whine too much and yet somehow I’m always doing that here. And I’m about to do it some more. I apologize in advance. So when I was getting all down on myself on Friday a lot of it had to do with the fact that while I was running around doing errands, I was also out jeans shopping. Boo! Jeans Shopping! Why is it that it doesn’t matter if I’m size 14 or 4, jeans do not fit me right? Can someone please explain that to me because I don’t get it. Here’s the problem, no jeans have ever really fit me right and it has to do with the shape of my body. I think I’ve tried on every style and brand of jeans in my local mall and while some are better than others, I still have the basic problem of none of them being quite right. Here’s what’s going on: First: My waist is small and my lower legs (slightly above the knee and down) have really slimmed out but I have some booty (a good thing) and saddlebags (not good). So my jeans have the tendency to feel like they’re always riding down probably because the widest part of my body, my inner thighs, rub together and cause the fabric to be pulled down. So my jeans never fit tightly at the waist and instead always move down and want to rest on the largest part of my lower body, my thighs/saddlebags. Is this a good enough of a description to give you all a visual image? Basically my pants want to ride low and no matter what size I am or what pair I’m wearing, I always have to pull them up after walking any distance. Second: Although I have a large derriere, I’m short waisted, so I have trouble finding a rise that works. Ultra low rise and even some low rise jeans are not enough to cover my rump; I just need more fabric than that. Just below the waists are what normally work but again when walking they end up being pulled down too low. But anything that hits at the waist is just too much fabric around the pockets and crotch area. I really don’t need a pouch right there. Also another thing, I think generally what happens is that the way I sit stretches out the waist, which I don’t need because the waist is already too big anyways. And this is a problem in general, for some weird reason my fat has magical powers when I sit and it will alter the shape of any pair of pants, no matter how tight, so that they look baggy across the waist and lap when I’m standing. If only I could harness this power for good! Third: I assume that 5’6” is a pretty average height but I notice that pants are either too short or too long. I often have my pants tailored. Some I have taken up so that they don’t drag on the ground when I wear tennis shoes. Others I buy too long and then have taken up so that they can be worn with boots. Depending on the shoe I’m wearing, the perfect pant length is either 31 ½ or 33 ½ inches. Anything else either looks a little too short or becomes frayed along the back hem. That’s just a basic list of what I’m up against; I won’t even go into detail about how picky I am about color, amount of stitch detail, degree of distressing (just know that in general I shy away from the whisker around the crotch look, no needed emphasis there but thanks anyways), and type of denim. Oh and skinny jeans? They really don’t do me any favors. But the hunt is on and I’m on the prowl for a new pair of jeans. I figure that exercise is going to help me change the parts of my body that are making a nice fitting pair of jeans so hard to find and I’d rather make changes by exercising instead of crying over my chili dogs about it like I did on Friday! I’ll let you know how it all goes!