They’re Held Up By Fabric And Elastic, Not Magic!

I wore a pencil skirt yesterday. This one, in fact. Size 2, thank you very much! I really love that all the newer fashions come down to the knee as opposed to in previous years when the mini skirt was all the rage. I’m pretty self-conscious about my legs but in a knee length skirt you’re only showing a little calf and ankle, so nothing too risqué! The thing I found out though is that fourteen hours is a long time to be in a skirt, especially if you haven’t worn a skirt in over fifteen years. I haven’t yet mastered the ability to get in and out of my car without giving any standers by a free show. And I wore thigh high pantyhose, which I will never do again. I need pantyhose because they really smooth out the look of my legs, hide some of the small veins I have on the inside of my knee, and give me a healthier color because the natural color of my legs is an ugly shade of anemic due to the fact that they haven’t seen the sun since the early 90’s. But I really hate to wear a full-length pantyhose and I get really tired of trying to keep them on straight after my fortieth trip to the potty. With dress pants I always wear knee highs and they work out just fine so I thought that thigh highs would work the same. I was wrong. Maybe because I have lots of fat on my upper thighs, they refused to stay up smoothly. Instead they just cut into my leg fat and then annoyingly tried to roll themselves down. Poor pantyhose, there’s only so much they could do when faced with clinging to my leg fat for fourteen hours! By the end of the day my friend and I got into my car to drive to our practicum center. Before getting back out of the car I pulled the suckers up and told my friend, “I feel like an old granny whose hose won’t stay up! Thigh highs are not sexy!” to which she replied, “They’re sexy, Lynne, but they’re probably only good for the bedroom.” And yes while she's correct that they're probably best suited to the bedroom I'd like to add the caveat that they're for skinny people in the bedroom because the look I was rocking was not sexy. The closest it came to anything bedroom games related was resembling bondage gone horribly awry. So next time I’m out I’ll make sure I pick up a pair of full on, old fashioned, control top pantyhose. They might not be comfortable but they sure work a lot better than nylons that look like they’re strapped on with tourniquets and who left to their natural course, will roll down to your ankles.