A Great Holiday Workout

I stumbled across a great way to get a workout without meaning to: Christmas Decorating. You start by insisting on buying a ten foot tree (because you’re ambitious and full of the Christmas spirit) and then help your husband get the sucker off the top of the car and into the house. Your arms will get that awesome burning sensation as you feebly try to hold the tree up as your husband unties the forty knots that lassoed it to the roof of your SUV. Then you get to do some hardcore squats as you continue to hold up your end as you and the husband drag the tree up the front walkway and into the house. (If your husband really loves you, he’ll remember to unlock the door before you guys reach that front step and then you won’t have to continue holding up your end as he fumbles for the keys.) Next of course is getting that big beautiful tree into the tree stand and more specifically, getting that big beautiful tree into the tree stand straight. There’s nothing like minute upon minute of balancing that tree as your husband tries to screw the stand into the trunk. Don’t worry, the fear of dropping that tree on top of yourself, your coffee table and your curious puppy dog (who has now placed himself underfoot) is enough to get you through the muscle cramps! Next order of business is stringing the tree with lights. So many lights actually, that you’re afraid it may have an effect on your power bill. This of course is where you bust out the ladder because after all, you did insist on having a ten foot tree. Don’t fall off the ladder! Just contract every muscle in your body to hold your balance as you try to drape the lights perfectly. Get down and make sure that you’re happy with the distribution and then climb back up and adjust as necessary. Repeat this like forty or fifty times. Once all the lights are on, do this same procedure for the ribbon and all the ornaments. Now that the tree is done, you have to of course move on to the rest of the house. And of course your favorite decoration is the lighted garland that is strung above the kitchen cabinets, the ten foot tall entertainment center, and the entrance to your master bedroom. And yes, you will have to keep that ladder out to do this. Once you have gotten all the garland up (ignore the fact that your legs feel like rubber) embellish the garland. I mean, any true home decorating goddess wouldn’t simply settle for the store bought garland. No, you have to accent it with poinsettias and stems of holly berries. Yes, you have to accent all the garland (again, you’re ambitious and full of the Christmas spirit, right?) After about four hours you’ll be finished so sit back and admire your work. Take aspirin for the pain. You have to begin recovering as soon as possible because the whole thing will be repeated in reverse in a few weeks when all the decorations have to come down.