So Explain To Me Again, When Exactly Does This Get Easy?

Goals, hmm. The lovely jeni asked about how close I was to reaching goal. To which I say good question! I don’t know now! A few months ago I had said 125 would be my goal, it was a number that WW had set for me when I tried that program many years ago, so that sounded about right. But I honestly would be happy at any number if my body looked and felt like it was at goal. I just want to feel comfortable and in tune with my body and that feeling doesn’t come from a scale. Yet as much as I don’t really think that a number can signify that achievement, I love, love, love milestones and markers. I am one of those people who loves birthdays and anniversaries and making a big deal about special occurrences or significant occasions. I mean for goodness sakes’, I’m having a party for my pup’s first birthday on Sunday; I’ll find any excuse to make a day “special”. So I need to be able to reach some kind of point where I celebrate having finished at least one part of this never-ending journey. I need a day where I can make a big hoopla over myself and get all egocentric about my victory over the fat monster. There’s also another big thing that’s interfering with defining my goals and it has been slowly creeping in over the last month or so. Mainly, I’m not quite sure how much my body can be improved given what it’s been through. I can see the toll that being in various stages of weight loss/ weight gain throughout my life has taken on my body and I know there’s a limit to what the end result of all this is going to be. The thing I want to avoid most is having unrealistic expectations (it’s what screwed me the last time around) so I might just have to come to terms with accepting myself and my body as is. I don’t know, sometimes this journey is almost easier when you’re far away from goal because you can pretend that there’s some kind of perfect, ideal reward at the end for all your hard work. As I get closer, that is turning out to not be the case. Which yeah, duh! We all know there’s never an end to this but it’s still easier when you can pretend that this journey is finite at some point. So here I am sitting seven pounds away from my scale goal and I have no idea what I want, anticipate, or accept. Ahhh, I guess it’s time for a little soul searching and some reflection.