Fear Of Friday Becoming Fried Day
I have a whole bunch of relatives in town right now; they’ve all planned a big dinner for Friday night. I love my family and want to see them but I am reluctant to go on Friday for many reasons. The main reason is that I don’t trust myself in a restaurant. I know how to make healthy choices, I can tell you the calorie/carb/fat content of any food known to mankind. I am well versed in portion size. Yet no matter how prepared I am in a situation like this, there’s always a very good chance that when I get there all common sense will go out the window. I can’t tell you how many times in the past I have looked up the nutritional info for a restaurant, made my healthy choice, positive self-talked myself all the way there and then when faced with the menu ordered something absolutely horrible for me. Then, instead of doing damage control and eating just a little bit of the meal as a splurge, I get this attitude of “Oh well, I’ve blown it so I might as well eat” and I’ll eat anything that I can get my hands on. I’ve tried everything in the past to try to change this behavior. I’ve tried to fill up on water and healthy snacks before hand. I’ve tried to wear tight, uncomfortable clothes to make eating uncomfortable. I’ve tried to reason with myself, guilt myself or threaten myself but always failed at deterring myself from gorging to the point of discomfort. I think that the worst thing about an episode like this is that it turns into a week long binge of eating everything I see until after a few days I’m sick and ready to eat healthy. I never am able to say, “Well, yesterday I ate badly so today I’ll be extra good and get back on track.” One bad meal usually turns into days, weeks or sometimes months of crap ass eating. Here at home, I’m in a protective little cocoon. There’s lots of fresh, beautiful vegetables in my fridge, boneless skinless chicken breast in the freezer and almonds and diet soda in the pantry. These are my favorite healthy things to eat and I am happy to eat them as long as I don’t have unhealthy foods around me. Yet, restaurant food is both my lover and my nemesis all rolled up into a yummy little package on my plate. I love take out, drive-thru or sit down restaurant food to no end; it is my ultimate weakness. The other thing that bothers me is the fact that since I’ve seen my relatives I’ve gained about twenty pounds and that was on top of the twenty pounds I had gained from the time before that. If my math is correct, that means that it will be obvious to them that I’ve gained forty pounds within the last eight months. (Even sadder, that doesn’t count the pounds that I have lost and put back on, lost and then put back on again.) It’s not just about what they think, it bothers me to be aware of that kind of gain. Knowing that I’ve gained so much adds to my insecurity and when I’m insecure I look for comfort in food. I’m not quite sure about how to handle this. I’m stumped because I have all this awareness of the situation. I know my triggers, I’m in touch with my feelings and thoughts and I have the knowledge and information to fall back on but it’s not enough to help me make a difference. I can’t face temptation right now, I know I’m not psychologically ready for it and I need to pay attention to that and not push myself into a situation that I’m doomed to fail in. Yet it sounds so crazy to avoid family and other social situations because of The Fat. It even scares me because it shows me how deep my Food Issues run. Are you guys taking a step back in a “Whoa, she’s crazy, I’m glad I don’t have those kinds of issues” way? Or can you relate to these kinds of overwhelming feelings? I often wonder if “normal” size people have to worry about these things. My goal is to shed my physical weight but I’m also trying to get rid of the emotional and psychological weight, too. For me, that would be “normal”.
posted by Lynne @ 12:37 PM
6 Comments:
Yeah, when I fall off the diet-wagon, I fall off big-time, as well. And the last fall I haven't bothered to try and get back up from because right now, it's too hard to make the effort. (That is to say, I'm not the one currently in charge of household finances and grocery shopping and cooking so I pretty much eat what's put before me, and then it's so darn good I have to have another helping. Or two. Because there's enough there to feed 12. Or 16. Instead of just one serving of whatever each... Oonyhoo...)
Is there any way you can make plans with any of your family pre- or post-meal time? Tell them you can't join them for dinner (make up an excuse if needed), but would love to get together for [blank] before or after. Maybe they could come over for cards or drinks and chatting. Heck, invite them over for coffee and dessert but make some sort of healthy-ish thing: fruit-and-pudding parfaits using sugar-free pudding or a diet-friendly variety of cheesecake. Unless you tell them it's "diet food", they probably won't know the difference.
The trick here is to turn down dinner while remaining sociable. You remain removed from temptation and your family doesn't think you're avoiding them because hey, you invited them over.
Ohhh Bethany has a great suggestion with the avoiding dinner but meeting for coffee thing. Lynne, (and have I mentioned I love that you spell Lynne with an "e", that's my middle name!) I TOTALLY identify... the last time I joined WW I told everyone I wasn't going out or having a social life until I felt "stable" because I knew I wouldn't be able to trust myself either. And, it was social activities that set off the bad eating roller coaster again. It does happen. I guess the trick is, to change your attitude. To not be afraid that one dinner out will lead to a week of overeating. Make the decision to get right back into your good habits the next day, and know in your heart it can be done, because it can be! As long as you fear the worst, the worst will happen. Believe in yourself and your ability to make good choices.
"Normal" people might not worry about their weight gains/losses to their families, but they wonder "Are they going to give me a hard time about my job/boyfriend/cats/hair/anything?" Just the joys of family, really! But they're the ones who love you no matter what. I like Bethany's suggestion too. Have fun!
Are you kidding about my thinking you're a freak??? I just kept nodding as I read and wondering how it was possible that I had a twin out in the world and didn't yet know it. All of the same thoughts and feelings permeate my head every time I go out. No advice, no suggestions, just lots of empathy.
I love what Bethany said about giving yourself permission ahead of time to eat what you want, knowing that you'll just do it that one night and will be back with your beloved chicken breasts the next day. I think that's what people who have been successful with keeping weight off do.
You're (we're) in this for the long haul. So one blip in the diet radar screen does not a failure make. Relax, enjoy your meal, and be energized and motivated the next morning! You go, girl!!
Lynne, in response to your questions on my blog, Gloria Jeans is a coffee place, kind of like Starbucks but more relaxed, and Maccas is Aussie for McDonalds!
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