Excuse Me, Waiter? I Don't Think I Ordered The Plate Of Smug Know-It-All

Hi guys! Well, not only did I survive Friday night but I conquered it and made it my bitch. Yes, I am hardcore! I had told my family that I might not be able to make dinner because of a work thing but that I would definitely meet up with everybody afterwards. (Thanks for the suggestion, guys) Well, I woke up on Friday and was just feeling really good all day. I decided to try on a shirt that I had stopped wearing because it was too tight. I couldn’t believe that it actually fit again! It has a nice tailored look that makes my waist look smaller and my boobs look perky. You have to love a shirt like that! So I decided that I would go to the restaurant after all because I was feeling pretty confident. More importantly, I realized that this situation is going to come up eventually and that I should look at this as an opportunity to succeed and not as a chance to fail. We were eating at Cheese Cake Factory, which may be one of my all time favorite places so I knew I had my work cut out for me. As a reminder of my determination I wore my newly fitting shirt. That way when the voice that said, “Hey eat this Thai Chicken Pasta because you’re already fat anyways” showed up, I had on “The Shirt of Proof of My Ability To Do This”. Before I continue I have to say this, there are three things in life that should never be discussed: Politics, Religion, and Diets. If you think tyrannical governments and holy wars are dangerous then you have obviously never seen an Atkins fanatic criticize Weight Watchers in front of a Points counter. God help us all when that occurs. Before I get any E-mails Of Hate let me first say, I think both the Atkins diet and WW are great. Different strokes for different folks is what I always say and if something is helpful for a person than I’m all for it. I do not follow Atkins or WW (although I have done both in my lifetime). My biggest focus in eating has been on trying to be aware of portion size, keeping near 1200 calories, staying away from fried, processed, sugary crap ass foods and using herbs and spices instead of artificial flavors. I tend to eat mostly vegetables, salads, nuts and seeds, some dairy and boneless skinless chicken. I very, very rarely eat any red meat. When I eat fruit, I usually eat strawberries or blueberries. So in a way what I eat mostly resembles an Atkins diet but it’s only due to me noticing that a lot of carbohydrates wreaks havoc on my blood sugar, gives me mood swings and turns my PMS into PMS. Overall, I don’t do anything like what is often associated with Atkins (i.e. wrapping sticks of butter in bacon and deep frying them as a snack). Instead, I just love plates full of fresh green, antioxidant rich, leafy vegetables and grilled chicken. Breads and rice, while tasting good, tend to feel like big heavy weights in my stomach so I just don’t really eat them. Anyways, on Friday night I decided to order a hamburger, no bun and mustard only. I also asked for a side salad (no croutons) instead of fries. I felt like splurging on a big juicy hamburger patty and I figured no bun was a way to keep the calories down. When I ordered, the waiter looked me up and down, tilted his head, raised one eyebrow and said, “Really? That’s interesting. Do you watch your carbs?” In a way I do but not because I’m a carbaphobe; it’s just a way I’ve found to keep my energy levels balanced. Of course I didn’t say all this to him, I just looked up at him and meekly replied, “Umm, yes?” He instantly began to lecture me on how bad the Atkins diet is for you and that it does not work. He wanted me to know that as a professional fitness instructor, he knew for a fact that Atkins is horrible and that the only way to lose weight is to watch fat, calories and to regularly exercise, and yada, yada, yada. I half expected him to refuse to bring my dinner and instead force me to run wind sprints through the restaurant while he timed me. I have to say that I was quite confused. Why would you work in the Cheesecake Factory, a restaurant named for its ability to mass-produce fricking every flavor of cheesecake known to mankind, if you are a specialist in weight loss and healthy, balanced eating? Is it so he can pick on “misguided” fatties like myself? He had no idea how ordering that burger was a huge success for me and that I have been stressing out over that moment all this week. It's different when you guys offer me suggestions on this blog. I invite whatever information you have to offer and always appreciate it. I know that you experience many of the same feelings, temptations, and fears that I do and I am always looking for fat fighting tips from any knowledgeable source. Yet to face Mr. Smug Fitness Guy while I’m trying to resist diving face first into a plate of oily, pan-fried noodles just really stinks. You don’t know what bad eating is buddy! I’ve been known to tear up a meal like a ravaged animal, leaving teeth marks on my plate, so just back off because I don’t want your advice! Here I was all worried about the voices in my head and facing my family when I really should have been watching out for the waiter!