THE FUTURE IS NOW

I don't know if all girls who are overweight can relate to this type of thinking but I have always had thoughts of "When I lose weight, I'll do this..." or "When I lose weight then this will happen...". I dream of going to sunny beaches and lying around in the warm sand but there's always the thought of "After I lose weight, I'll go." I have passed clothing stores and seen beautiful, figure hugging skirts and pants, flimsy low cut, sleeveless blouses made of unforgiving fabric and I have always thought, "When I lose weight, I'm going to wear something like that." There's always this promise of the future, that after I lose weight then life begins. Yet there comes a time when you start to realize that you've put everything on hold. You realize that you deny yourself the enjoyment of something because you're "saving" that experience for a future, slimmer you. After years of living like this, you realize that you're punishing yourself for not being thin. This is just silly and I don't want to do this to myself anymore. The problem is, how do I stop? This will be the challenge. I do want to lose weight, I do want to be healthy but I don't want to punish myself for not being those things. I want to find a balance between accepting me for who I am while still maintaining belief in what I can become.