Ok, So I Should Actually Have A Plan, Right?

So last week I was talking about how I’ve developed the habit of being “good” on weekdays and then just totally pigging out on weekends and I want to stop doing that. The problem is, how? I need to not think of the weekends as a crazy free for all. But I also need to give myself some room to be human. I think I’m so rigid in my thinking that there needs to be room in my plan for doing what other people do and being able to go out to dinner with friends or family without feeling like it’s the end of the world and an excuse to eat like there’s no tomorrow. Take for instance this weekend. Tomorrow night I’m going to dinner with my friends and then on Saturday the husband wants to go to lunch at a certain restaurant known for its ridiculously oversized portions and whose approach seems to be that you haven’t lived until you’ve eaten a burger the size of your head. I should still be able to go to these places, right? You can live a normal life without becoming a hermit and shunning all social occasions while losing weight, right? Well unfortunately the first thing that my little brain jumps to is, “Fuck it. I’ll be eating like shit tomorrow and Saturday, why not just start now and begin anew on Monday?” As I am typing this right now, the guys are outside my office door eating pizzas that they had delivered along with a huge flat sheet cake. It’s not even anyone’s birthday; this is honest to goodness a typical Thursday lunch for them. And I’m just sitting here thinking, “What to do? What to do?” because I have not yet learned the art of moderation. I’m either super in control or completely without it when it comes to food. So I need to change my mindset and I need a plan to live like a “normal” person but still accomplish the goals I have. And honestly, right now I’m at a loss as to how to go about doing this.

The Biggest Hurdle

The hardest thing for me lately has been weekends. I used to actually get my best exercise workouts in on the weekends but that hasn’t happened for a few months. I think it’s because I’m so busy during the week that come Friday night, Saturday and Sunday I just want to lay on my couch and do nothing. Also, where I live it is as hot as the surface of the sun and I really don’t want to do anything but find ways to stay cool and avoid heat stroke. (Yeah, that’s one of my many excuses.) The worst part though is my weekend eating habits. I eat really healthy and balanced all week. It actually has proved to be pretty easy because I’m so busy with work, my internship, and classes that I plan meals for the day, take those items with me, and stay so busy that I don’t have time for additional snacking. But sometime this summer I picked up the habit of staying on target during the weekdays and then going crazy on the weekends. I think it started because it seems like there’s something big going on every weekend that’s food related whether it’s dinner with the family, a birthday, a get together with friends, or a vacation. And I often use that excuse, “Well I’ll be eating like crap on (fill in the day) so I might as well eat like crap this whole weekend and start anew on Monday.” And I’ve been using that excuse every weekend since around June to justify eating well for four days and then binge-eating for three. This is also part of my “I’m so busy, I deserve a little break. I’m going to treat myself to (fill in the blank with whatever fast food I’m craving at the moment)." And obviously this is the reason why my weight has pretty much stayed the same over the last few months. But more than that, this is an unhealthy habit and I don’t want to have it anymore. This is related to my whole “good” food / “bad” food mindset and after thinking about it, I’ve decided that it’s time to tackle it because it’s not doing me any good. In fact, it’s brought me to a standstill and just makes me plain unhappy.

Weigh To Go! Part 20

December 2005 Starting Weight: 178.9 July’s Weigh-In: 139.8 August’s Weigh-In: 144.3 Umm, hi. I feel like I’m crawling back here with my head down after having disappeared for so long. I know that it’s been almost a month since I posted and here I’m barely getting around to posting a weigh-in for August. I just don’t know where the time goes guys! I’m into my absolute last class of my degree, working my regular job, and putting in thirty or so hours at my internship site. It has been just madness but I’m starting to see light at the end of the tunnel. It’s September already and I only have to make it the next four months to December and I will be able to graduate and get my career going. Very exciting, very time consuming all of this, but I’m afraid my poor little blog has suffered because of my limited time and I’m really afraid that there isn’t anyone even reading this anymore. Hi and I’m sorry I’ve been MIA if you’re still here! I’ve really missed you all and I’m hoping that from now on I’ll be around more often. Getting to “talk” to you guys and keep up on your journeys helps me stay focused and when I don’t get to do it, as you can see by the above numbers, things often start to go south. All eating and no exercise makes Lynne a fat girl. So I’m making a big effort to get back into things. I really hate to feel so bad about myself and uncomfortable in my own body. It really sucks that when I get swamped or overwhelmed one of the first things to go is my consciousness about my health and habits. I think I just have to remember that no matter how many things I’m juggling at once I can’t drop the ball on this, so to speak.