Hitting Rock Bottom

I have no choice but to really get serious and figure out what to do about my weight. I’ve basically been fucking around this entire year and I’m really paying for it now. Back in early December I was on a nice downward trend, the exercising was going well, and my size 4 pants and skirts were sitting a little loosely. I think it was around this time that I took all the clothes in my closet that were too big and I donated them. I also bought a lot of stuff to replace those things. Well, this morning I had a low moment. See, within the last few weeks I’ve become increasingly limited in what I can wear and it sucks because I’ve been down to a handful of items that I just keep rotating. I think those few items represent less than 10% of all the stuff in my closet and it’s annoying to stand in front of racks of clothes and know that you still have nothing to wear. Things have just been too tight and really uncomfortable and I’ve been miserable at work and school sitting for hours in clothes that barely fit. Well, I found something even worse than that. As of today, I have one pair of pants that fit. I donated all the stuff that I had in my current size because I didn’t want or think that I’d be right back here and all the stuff that I bought since then are a good couple of sizes too small. I am now down to one pair of dark wash jeans and a couple of ill-fitting blouses that are made for Fall or Spring weather. Just lovely, especially considering that it’s been hitting a hundred and fucking fifteen degrees everyday around here. I honestly don’t know what to do right now. Last week I worked on Monday and Tuesday and then we had Wednesday off for the fourth of July holiday. I took the rest of the week off as I had finals for school. Finals were incredibly stressful, I don’t think I’ve had this many big projects due at once for a while and I even skipped sleeping on Thursday. In the middle of trying to get through all of that I basically just sat around in sweat pants and ate without focus, without thinking. Big mistake and I knew it at the time but I just couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t want to stop myself. All I wanted to do was focus on school and nothing else and for some reason I always have this sick, twisted idea that eating what I want, when I want is being nice to me. So then this morning I go to put on professional clothes for work and they just no longer fit. What was I thinking? I knew that I was already teetering at the edge of fitting into this stuff and I just went ahead and jumped off that cliff without thinking. So I’m sitting here wearing jeans. I’m supposed to be wearing dress pants and instead I’m sitting here in denim jeans. Luckily my job is never super uptight about the dress code and I’m going to do some filing and office cleaning which justifies the choice to wear jeans but that’s only going to fool everybody for today. But what the hell am I going to do tomorrow? Ok guys, I'm seriously freaking out right now.