You Don't Need PMS To Have Mood Swings

I dislike this once a week posting pattern I’ve gotten into but it seems lately that I’m short on time for even basic things like sleeping and showering and so as a courtesy to my family, friends, and coworkers, I’ve been foregoing the posting in order to ensure that I don’t turn into an unkempt, sleep deprived bitch. There are lots of things I’ve been meaning to write about, little ramblings and musings, that I’m going to try to start making more of an effort to get down. Maybe I’ll bore you, maybe I won’t, but I find that each part of this weight loss journey brings on so many different emotions and ways of thinking about myself and I feel like sharing them with you. I think the biggest thing going on is that it’s hard trying to keep an accurate mental image of what I look like while my body is in a slow but constant state of change. I’ve always had “fat” days and “skinny” days but I’ve noticed that more than usual I seem to be filled with fluctuating perceptions of my body. Sometimes I look at myself and think, “Wow. There’s a big difference compared to December.” Then not more than a few hours later I’ll see my reflection and think, “For thirty pounds lost, it looks more like less than ten.” All that I can think to explain these differences is that while overall I’ve lost a lot, I’ve done it at a very slow, consistent pace so it’s effects are skewed; noticeable over a long period of time but less drastic on a day to day basis. I think that the times that I feel “fat” are due to expecting too much of my body. I think it’s just me running out of patience and wanting instant results from a process that is slow and steady by nature. I’m sure the moments of feeling “skinny” have the same origins. Suddenly feeling like I’m thinner than I am comes from the sudden realization of how far I’ve come. It’s like I’ll realize that a lot of my body, a part of me that I’ve carried around everyday, is now gone. I’ll get so tickled with how much I’ve lost that I’ll temporarily forget how much is still left to go. Then I’ll notice the other part waiting to be tackled and instantly bump right back up into feeling fat. It seems like I bounce around like this several times everyday and I think it has to do with being at this particular weight; I’m no longer fat but I’m not quite yet thin. I seem to sway between congratulating myself for what I’ve accomplished and berating myself to keep me from growing complacent.